Love & Sex Archive -

Sexual affairs – yes or no?

In recent surveys of people living in committed relationships, 50% of respondents admitted to having sex outside their primary relationship at least once.

This is in spite of the fact that most people rank fidelity and honesty at the top of their list of relationship requirements.

What drives people to have sex outside their relationships? And why is it so exciting when a sexual affair literally falls into their laps?

Does an affair spell the end of a relationship? Should people discuss their affairs with their partners?

I think there are two main factors to consider here:

Whether both partners can completely satisfy their sexual needs within the relationship.
Each partner’s ability to see themselves as an object of desire.

If there’s a big gap between partners in terms of their sexual fantasies and/or how often they want to have sex, it can have a negative impact on their sex life as a couple.

And it’s equally problematic if one partner doesn’t feel attractive or desired.

Of course there are other things that can damage the sex lives of people in long-term relationships, including the boredom and routine that tends to set in over time—and we don’t want to underestimate them.

While an affair can’t save a sexual relationship, it can help point out where it might be lacking. It can also serve as a reminder of a person’s attractiveness and worth.

I did some research on a popular Internet dating site to see how many contact requests a woman over 50 could get. Within 10 minutes, there were 45 contact requests, from men ages 18 to 80!

So if you’re a woman who’s reading this, I’d like to tell you that there’s no need to put up with chronic sexual dissatisfaction in your relationship. And I want to give you full permission to live out your sexuality.

That said, even if you want to live out your sexuality, you don’t necessarily need to have a sexual affair if you’re in an otherwise healthy relationship.

But if you do choose to have an affair, it’s important to think it through beforehand.

Here are some tips to consider:

Never have unprotected sex outside a committed partnership—you don’t want to risk any kind of infection for you or your partner.
Think about the real reasons you’re having an affair.
Talk with your partner about it hypothetically, or in the third person (what would happen if…?)
Only tell your partner about the affair if it affects your future together. If you’re looking to ease your conscience, do it in a therapy session or with someone you trust.
Learn from the affair and accept the consequences if necessary.
Think about the possibility that the affair could develop into the love of your life!

Voilà.

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Younger Man? Yes, please!

Society has never considered it a problem for younger women to be with older men—provided that they have enough fame, power and money to justify the relationship.

Although a lot has changed over the years, most people still look at relationships between older women and younger men through a different lens.

Let’s take a closer look at these relationship dynamics.

When it comes to having children, there are advantages in not waiting too long. However, most women want to ensure they have sufficient emotional and financial support before having children. In this case, a man who’s mature, experienced and well off financially is a perfect match!

From an evolutionary point of view, though, children want parents who are in a similar physiological condition.

When children grow up, this can become a problem. Why? As they grow older, women tend to focus more and more on their own needs in search of fulfillment.

As their children enter adulthood, most women come into bloom. They feel more confident. They know exactly what they want—and what they don’t want. Most importantly, they suddenly feel an increased need for sex. Unlike mothers and grandmothers of past generations, they also look much younger, thanks to modern ideas and innovations around lifestyle.

The biological and mental differences between men and women—which increasingly diverge from age 40 onwards—can become a problem in this phase of life.

Having made themselves comfortable in their romantic relationships, many men experience decreasing testosterone levels.

Statistically speaking, the life expectancy of men is about 8 years less than women. What’s more, studies have found that men in their 50s have 30% more brain shrinkage than women of a similar age.

Though of course this can vary from person to person.

For all these reasons, many mature women are beginning to seek out younger partners. Ultimately, they’re looking for someone who’s on the same wavelength sexually and psychologically. The older the woman, the more this desire comes into play.

Women over 50 who are physically active and know how to take good care of themselves tend to leave their male counterparts in the dust! (For more on this topic, see my post:BioAge ; How you can lower your Biological Age

Given this reality, it’s time we recognize couples in which the woman is 8 or 10 years (or more) older than her partner as “normal” and socially acceptable!

In this spirit, I’d like to encourage women not to shy away from considering much younger men as partners—and not to have any hang-ups about it.

Since older women are such a great match for them, younger men generally and genuinely love and take great care of them throughout the relationship.

Good luck!

Voilà!

How to be a good Lover

I’d like to dedicate this article with gratitude to my male readers.

Just about every man strongly identifies with his greatest asset. How could it be otherwise?

As long as he’s happy with the size, and with the way it’s functioning, all’s right with the world.

But if there’s even a minor problem in this area, it can be cause for concern. And it’s far too easy for “minor” problems to quickly develop into major ones.

Why? Beyond their physiological function, we also expect the genitalia to perform labors of love. Preferably on demand. Otherwise, a man feels inferior.

At this point, I’d like to share something that might be hard to believe: If your sexual partner is a woman, neither size nor functionality matters to her!

When a woman goes to bed with a man, her first priority is to have things unfold in a way that’s satisfying for her. So if you’re looking to please a woman, a totally different set of qualities comes into play!

For one thing, it takes longer for women to get turned on.

In fact, if we compare the time between the start of stimulation and climax, it’s about 3-7 minutes for men and 15-30 minutes for women.

This is why it’s important for men to find good ways to bridge this time gap. A woman doesn’t usually have to do much to bring a man to climax. But most of the time a man has to make an effort to bring a woman to her sexual peak.

In this case, mental and physical endurance are essential! Not to mention vitality and loving care.

Being in good physical shape is also very helpful here. See my post BioAge ; How you can lower your Biological Age

The fact is, if you’re at a healthy biological age, nothing can stand in your way when it comes to having a good love life. One of the keys is having generally good circulation, which enables blood to supply nutrients to all parts of the body, helping it function at an optimal level. When this is happening, you naturally feel good.

Besides paying attention to your biological age, keep this in mind: if you want someone to think of you as a good lover, it’s important to start off by asking them what they want in bed!

This is how to be a good lover to a woman:

Create a warm, cozy atmosphere
Incorporate some prolonged, imaginative foreplay
Use your hands and mouth to bring her to climax
Only then is it your turn!

Voilá.

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Live out your sexuality

I’d like to focus on female sexuality in this post.

This is still a taboo topic, and it’s often perceived as unimportant or secondary. I particularly want to address the meaning and significance of sexuality for women during their prime. After all, sexuality isn’t something that only belongs to the young and beautiful.

We know that sex represents “the world’s greatest pasttime” for men. But what does it represent for us?

First of all, I’d like to clarify the biological foundations of female sexuality. The statement that “female sexuality is practically inexhaustible” hits the nail on the head.

Of course, this statement doesn’t refer to the prerequisites for getting pregnant. As we know, they are limited. However, as women, we have the potential to retain the ability to reach sexual climax into old age. Meanwhile, some men experience a certain decline in their capacity to reach orgasm from their mid-50s onwards.

Besides our ability to achieve climax into old age, here’s the cherry on the sundae for women: the female body is also capable of having an orgasm several times in a row.

Still, many women might say there are more important things in life than sex.

I would argue that this statement comes from having limited experience with satisfying sex, or from banishing sex from our consciousness. For women, sexual climax isn’t just about momentary pleasure. It also creates a hormone release that facilitates health, balance, and external attractiveness.

This is reason enough to come to terms with your own sexuality.

At the same time, it’s important to take a look at your sexual partner(s).

Apart from women in happy relationships with satisfying sex lives, there are many women who either don’t have satisfactory sex with their partners or who simply don’t have a sexual partner. In this case, you want to take the responsibility for your sexuality into your own hands—literally.

These days, there are a myriad of ways to find “technical assistance” in this area, depending on your individual preferences. The biggest online retailer in the world has thousands of options available. They work beautifully, giving women the sexual satisfaction their partners might not be able to provide.

However, if you prefer to go without “technical assistance,” i.e. if you prefer to connect with a physical partner to feel satisfied, “sexting” can be a good alternative. But be careful: this approach has the potential to become addictive, so don’t rely on it too heavily.

Here’s my tip: put on your most beautiful lingerie, light some candles, pour yourselves a glass of wine (or not!), pick out your favorite erotic movie or chat for a while—and off you go.

Two times a week is a healthy amount. Have fun!

What you can do furthermore BioAge; How you can lower your Biological Age

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Love your fat cushions!

Looking at the paintings from the Rubens era, I ask myself why the ideals of female beauty have changed so much over the years.

The gaunt models on today’s catwalks would have been out of the question as models for artists like Rembrandt. Still, current beauty icons have a huge impact on the world of women today and drive many girls to despair.

On social networks, on billboards, and in the media, fit bodies represent health and attractiveness. They’re showcased as role models, or prerequisites, for happiness.

In that spirit, various diets and sports programs come into play as declarations of war against fat deposits and belly fat—which supposedly cause disease and represent a mortal sin.

Don’t get me wrong: Exercise and a healthy diet can certainly help keep us fit and beautiful.

But the question is: are we allowed to have a little “fat padding” or not? And, if so, how much? My position is clear: Women need a healthy amount of fat padding!

Why? Our fat padding contains a considerable amount of female hormones, especially estrogens, which help keep the body elastic and supple. So if we’re missing fat deposits, we’re also missing a stock of hormones we might need!

On the question of attractiveness: According to a survey, many men find women with curves more attractive than women with flawless, fat-free, ultra-fit bodies.

An ultra-fit body may be considered a sign of athletic prowess. However, when it comes to sexuality, it’s less about athletic performance and more about warmth and relaxation. Read: Live out your sexuality

So, dear ladies, the next time you stand on the scale or look in the mirror and notice a little something pouring over the edge of your panties, stay calm and be kind to yourself. It’s just your curvy femininity, which the old masters knew how to appreciate in their day.

Love your body! And explain to your partner why they should love it, too!