Feel younger Archive -

Our Inner Anchor

We’re living in an age where very few things last. Everything in our world seems to be in a constant state of flux, and it feels like we hardly have any influence over the way things keep changing.

By now, every one of us has had the experience of showing up at our favorite café only to discover that a casino (or something like it) has opened in its place.

The professional world has become more unpredictable, too. Not to mention our personal relationships: we make friends quickly, and we lose them just as quickly.

Even love has become interchangeable, thanks to so many online dating platforms where we can fulfill our every need. (If our partnerships are going through a rough patch, this can lead to more than a few surprises.)

On one hand, all of this fluidity is a sign of progress. On the other hand, it seems like most of the familiar and reliable things in our lives are disappearing.

In the face of so much change, it’s easy to lose our bearings and feel as vulnerable as a tiny boat in a stormy ocean. In this case, we either need nerves of steel or a “nothing really matters” attitude—or both.

However, there’s one constant that remains in the midst of this fragile scenario: you.

Ultimately, you’re the one who takes care of yourself over the course of your life. You’re the one who carries yourself through all of life’s twists and turns. Only you can take responsibility for the ups and downs in your life!

And no one can take this responsibility away from you. This is why it’s so important to create a stable, resilient psychological core, to build and maintain what I call an “inner anchor.”

When you have an inner anchor, the changes and upheavals you’ll inevitably face in your life don’t throw you off track.

What exactly is an inner anchor—and what does it consist of?

From my point of view, it consists of three key components:

The ability to accept things as they are
The ability to let things go
A healthy amount of self-love

When you build these three attributes, you improve your ability to cope with your external circumstances, no matter how serious they seem. You adopt an “it-is-what-it-is” attitude: if you can’t change your circumstances, then you learn to face them with calm and acceptance.

So what can you do to strengthen your inner anchor? Here are some powerful tools and exercises that I use:

Meditate at least 15 minutes a day—to create distance from your surface thoughts and connect with your true self.
If you perceive a problem in your life, acknowledge its right to exist.
Explore 3 possible solutions to this problem, and choose the one with the greatest long-term implications.
If you can’t solve the problem, let it be, and observe what happens as though you’re a spectator at a play.
Be conscious of your inner dialogue, taking care to focus on your freedom and independence. TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR THOUGHTS!
Look at yourself and your life in the context of the larger universe. This helps bring your ideas and assumptions into perspective.

Voilà!

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Create the world you want!

Scientifically speaking, when it comes to our experience of the world, just 10% consists of actual events—the other 90% is our reactions to them.

This 90% varies as widely as people’s lifestyles in different parts of the world. The world is beautiful or terrible, depending on how we (want to) see it.

I’m not talking about extreme situations like war or natural disasters. I’m not talking about looking at the world through rose-colored glasses, either. What I’m talking about is focusing on the positive, and either accepting or working to change the negative. Instead of putting yourself at the mercy of a worldview, I’m talking about trying to shape your experience of the world as much as you can.

I’ll show you how to turn a half-empty glass into a half-full one.

Do you have an inner critic or partner who wakes up with you and serves up your worries for breakfast? Is your stress level so high that you have no idea how to bring it down? Are you unsure about how to deal with the fears that other people project onto you? What about all your “good intentions”—to exercise more often, eat healthier, and sleep better?

You’ll find answers to these questions in my posts on this site.

In the meantime, I’d like to share with you my 10 personal strategies for experiencing the world in a more positive way—and feeling better in the process:

After waking up, take some time for your morning rituals. Give your worries and problems a break. You gave them some of your time yesterday. Celebrate each new day as if it’s a gift.
Review your to-do list. Schedule a 10-15 minute break between each task to move and do some deep breathing.
Be grateful that you can experience the world in the first place. Try to look at it without judgment.
Once a day, do something that takes you out of your comfort zone. Try something new! It can be something small, like walking on an unfamiliar path or trying an unusual flavor of chocolate. In the meantime, check in with yourself: “How am I doing right now? What feelings are coming up—and why?”
Celebrate every success, no matter how small it seems. The key here is not to set the bar too high. Reward yourself with things that bring you joy.
Practice self-love and try not leave too much room for self-criticism. Choose to focus on your strengths and achievements.
Set aside about an hour each day to reflect on worries and problems. Write down 3 solutions for each problem. Choose the solution that most appeals to you and break it down into small steps, with a deadline.
If someone offends you, question their behavior. Why did they talk or act this way? What’s their motivation? Why did I react the way I did? Remember: most personal attacks are based on other people’s fears, lack of self-esteem, or projections of their own problems. Try not to take everything personally! Surround yourself with people who think positively. Avoid spoilsports and whiners.
Forgive yourself for your mistakes—and learn from them.
Forgive others for their mistakes—and learn from them.

Voilà.

The power of self-love

What is self-love, how do we express it?

Is it just an attempt to use manipulation to further your own interests?

Is it about only listening to yourself talk, without letting other people get a word in? Does it come down to a “me-first” kind of attitude? (A more common behavior among males than females) Throughout history, competition has governed male behavior: those who fail to compete miss out on opportunities for material success. They’re also less desirable. That’s the way nature works.

But a lot has changed in modern society. Along with their traditional relationship-oriented behavior, women are increasingly making claims on sources of power.

This is a good thing. But what about self-love, especially among women? Are women practicing it enough? By self-love I mean the ability to let go of the pressure to fulfill other people’s expectations. Not needing to please everyone, and not denying or disregarding your own basic needs.

Practicing self-love is easier if you consciously see yourself as a woman, and feel like a woman, no matter how old you are.

So how does this work? By:

paying attention to yourself more often.
finding your inner anchor.
being aware of your soul, your body, and your sexuality, even if you don’t have a sexual partner.

Look in the mirror, acknowledge how attractive you are, caress yourself, and say “I love you!”

Stick to your own way of thinking, dressing and moving.

Practicing self-love gives us great power. It also enhances our ability to move through the world more calmly—and to feel more independent and self-confident.

When you love yourself, there are no limits to how much you can share your love with others! Read TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR THOUGHTS!